I wrote this when i was drunk and had taken alot of pills what do u think it means?

it hurts, im screaming on the inside clawing this darkness trying to find a way out. im suffocating in my own empty shell of a life. ive tried the cutting, ive tried the making yourself sick. i cant do them thats pain on the surface. i take pills lovely pills to numb my insides. i take them and i can sleep through this life. i have ran out of sweet sleeping pills, my three different types of pain relivers are going to be so lonley without them. i need to stock up (underlined) my head is t, my heart is throbbing. the mirror only holds empty ugly souls. the family only causes more of the pain. the friends would turn down their noses inflicting more pain. school ha! failing failing work failing life. to give up would be all to easy. and i could not. cant take ones life. i may be selfish but that i can not do. Death will just have to find me. The pills are kicking in the feeling i can not control is taking hold. Im must fo and let the darkness take a hold.